Golden Ages
i got accused of being childish the other day (ok, ok, i wanted to play M.A.S.H) but it kind of got me thinking. if there is one thing im scared of, is taking myself to seriously and becoming a grown-up grown-up. i read an article in the national geographic today (mom and dad, you probably read it too) about how to grow old (or interviews of people who are a century old). the thing they all had in common was that (it seemed to me) they had not lost their sense of fun, whether it was doing what they enjoyed, loving their work, or flirting with 30 year olds. kind of like the heberlings. thats what i want. i dont want to live that long i dont think. i would be too afraid to die alone. but what i do want is to remain what i was as a child.
jonny preached on sunday on approaching faith in a childish manner. but i want to take that a step further. i hate not trusting people. i hate that i am no longer innocent. i was watching baby sam today during the meeting, loving the fact that he was completely oblivious to the arguments, the tension and the hurt that was around him. i know that i cant be like that, but is it bad that i want to be?
a few days ago, i sat down and wrote down all the things i could remember about my childhood (it didnt start out that way) but that is what it became. i couldnt write down everything as memories are like feathers brushing softly against skin, you cant ever be sure they were really there. but what i did write down was so beautiful to me, that it was hard to deal with. my great-grandpa tickling my brother and i and us pretending that it really did tickle, then going on to watch an ancient superman video (always the same one). snowball fights with matt in the backyard. eating popcorn and drinking hot chocolate with marshmallows with britney in front of the fire place, feeling all grown-up.
what bothers me, is that my memories of now will all be tainted one way or another, tainted with some emotion that just didnt seem to be present in those golden ages. i guess its ridiculous, thats just the way it is. but it makes me so sad.
oh, and some of the memories of the most? halloween ones of course! happy halloween, everybody.
jonny preached on sunday on approaching faith in a childish manner. but i want to take that a step further. i hate not trusting people. i hate that i am no longer innocent. i was watching baby sam today during the meeting, loving the fact that he was completely oblivious to the arguments, the tension and the hurt that was around him. i know that i cant be like that, but is it bad that i want to be?
a few days ago, i sat down and wrote down all the things i could remember about my childhood (it didnt start out that way) but that is what it became. i couldnt write down everything as memories are like feathers brushing softly against skin, you cant ever be sure they were really there. but what i did write down was so beautiful to me, that it was hard to deal with. my great-grandpa tickling my brother and i and us pretending that it really did tickle, then going on to watch an ancient superman video (always the same one). snowball fights with matt in the backyard. eating popcorn and drinking hot chocolate with marshmallows with britney in front of the fire place, feeling all grown-up.
what bothers me, is that my memories of now will all be tainted one way or another, tainted with some emotion that just didnt seem to be present in those golden ages. i guess its ridiculous, thats just the way it is. but it makes me so sad.
oh, and some of the memories of the most? halloween ones of course! happy halloween, everybody.
posted by Sarah at 6:20 PM
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